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The second part of this posting calls you to do a thorough review of a partner's results/discussion sections. The peer review is due by Tuesday, November 26th. You must review the work of a student who has not had his/her work reviewed as yet. Also, you must review the work of a student who you did NOT cover in our in-class peer review.
It will help to leave a brief message below someone's original posting indicating that you plan to review their work (so while you are doing the review someone else doesn't snap up your review and leave you in trouble). I recommend leaving an original message below someone's posting that reads something along the lines of: "I will cover your peer review." Once someone leaves this posting, it will help ensure that everyone gets a review.
Please carefully follow the instructions for the peer review:
Peer-Review Discussion/Results
You should
complete multiple reads of your partner’s piece (one or two reads will not cut
it).
Copy and paste the posting(s) into a
word document.
Note key support for each paragraph Evaluate how well the support/details are implemented.
How well does the paragraph establish context and evidence? Is there a need for
more details to expand a point or a need for more evidence or perhaps analysis
of evidence to help deliver a point?
Create a
ranking system to identify which
paragraphs are most effective and which ones are less effective.
Following your discoveries and inferences from your above sections, underscore
aspects from each paragraph that need improvement and establish criteria for
what works well in paragraphs that are strong and well developed. Look at
transitions between different paragraphs and explore ways to improve transitions
from one paragraph to the next.
Next, read
the paper once more through; identify and look
for a main point of theme that guides the results/discussion. From your previous analysis, and multiple
read-throughs, determine what central claim is being presented. How clearly
stated is the central finding? How can it be better stated? If there are a
series of important claims, how could those claims be organized under one
larger umbrella claim?
Come up with at least two questions to help the writer think critically
about the direction of the results/discussion sections. What do you as a reader
want to know more about? Where is the
piece most effective and why? Which details and part of the essay stand out as
most memorable and effective and why? Where does this piece need to be improved?
Be specific in your commentary of your peer’s work.
Christina Lam
ReplyDeleteProfessor Longhany
ENC1102
November 21, 2013
Results/ Discussion
In this section I will identify each video as:
Video A: An episode from “The Doctors”
Video B: Video clip of Doc McStuffins
Video C: Video clip with the parent, child, and doctor
In each video, I found that the utilization and examination of tools before a procedure improved the interaction between the child and the doctor. For instance, in video A, the doctor used a puppet to help the child feel less frightened in the office. The doctor then used an otoscope to look into the puppets ear prior to looking into the little boy’s ear. When the doctor did this, the puppet giggled and indicated that this tickled and did not hurt at all. This action led the child to feel more comfortable with the procedure because he saw that no harm was being done to the puppet during the procedure. Similarly, in video B, Doc (the child doctor) has a patient (the firetruck) who comes in for a visit. He tells Doc that he is nervous and is scared of the tools. Doc lets the firetruck examine the stethoscope and even try it on her before she examines him. The firetruck then feels calm and reassured. This demonstration is also evident in video C where the child picks up the tool and tested it out on the parent. The doctor asks the child if he has seen these tools before to make sure the child knows what the tools are used for. These examples depict how the child is able to eliminate or decrease the fears of the tools and increased the comfort level in the doctor’s office. I believe that this also encourages the child to be more opened with the doctor if he or she has questions or concerns about any procedures during the medical examination.
My next finding among the three video clips was the doctor’s methods of accommodation to increase the child’s level of comfort. In this context, accommodation is defined as adjusting one’s behavior or actions to fit the situation. The first method of accommodation is the usage of humor during procedures. In video A, the puppet is used not only for comfort but also used as a means to be friendly and amusing. For example, I noticed that the child giggled at the fact that the puppet did not have ears but the doctor still pretended to examine the ears of the puppet. Laughter is usually said to be the best medicine for children and it is most definitely helpful for doctors to utilize humor to eliminate the child’s fear of the doctor or the exam. The next method of accommodation is the representation of how the barrier between the patient and the doctor can be reduced. For instance, in video A, the doctor took off his lab coat to reassure the child in order to avoid overwhelming or scaring him. Likewise, in the video C, the doctor makes herself look “small” by sitting down and talking to the child at eye level. The doctor also begins examining the child from his toes and works her way up towards the head. This process is improving the interaction between the doctor and child by making the child feel equal to the doctor. The last method is using references to topics that kids understand and enjoy hearing and talking about during the exam. Since children will not always understand what the doctor is trying to say, it is important to use words and phrases that help the child connect with the doctor. Such examples include the imitations of animals and their sounds or asking them about their interests to help the examination process feel less terrifying and to enhance the cooperation with the doctor.
(Continued)
ReplyDeleteIn addition, I also discovered that the notion of reinforcement has greatly influenced the interaction between the child and the doctor. This trend is shown in all three videos through simple words of encouragement or positive feedback and positive body language. In the video C, the doctor says words such as “good job” and “that’s great”. This lets the child know that he or she is doing a good job by cooperating. In all the videos, the doctor faces the child and smiles showing that the doctor is interested and is happy to treat the child. These actions help the child understand that the doctor is friendly and caring.
I will review yours!
Delete1) This paragraph examines the first similarity found among the videos, and introduces what is being demonstrated in the videos used. There is plenty of support supplied in this paragraph. The writer provides support from each of the videos. It’s also helpful how the author not only supplies support, but goes further into an explanation for each video. For example, in the first video, the doctor examined a puppet first and had the puppet giggle leading the child to feel more comfortable and walks us through the steps of how to help a child overcome fear of the doctors. The second demonstrates with a firetruck and the third provides solid evidence of how to help children decrease fear of the doctor and equipment simply by discussing and explaining each tool. This paragraph is the second most effective paragraph that has been provided by the author, although not very far from being the most effective. The author knows how to really deliver a clear and solid point across. I think that this is a very organized and the theme is made evident, which is overcoming fear at the doctors.
Delete2) The methods of accommodation to increase the child’s level is comfort is emphasized. Key support is really strong in this paragraph. The author presents the actual evidence provided in the videos, and explains in detail how each video provides support to the findings. This paragraph is very organized in presenting its findings and is the most effective because it starts out by presenting the finding and then how each video supports it. I really enjoy how the author provides examples found in the videos to help engage young patients as well. These sources are very resourceful when providing how to accommodate a child at the doctors.
3) In the third paragraph reinforcements from doctors to children and their effects are emphasized. This paragraph is the least effective because it doesn’t supply as much support as in the previous paragraphs but is still a very solid paragraph. This paragraph emphasizes the different actions the doctor can do in order to make a child feel more comfortable and safe. In addition simple actions a doctor can practice, words of encouragement are great as well and this paragraph does a great job displaying the impacts these actions have. Perhaps the author could include a few more reactions of the children to the actions of the doctors.
Questions:
1. Is there any more information about the direct impact these claims have made on the child when going to a doctor’s office? I realize that these videos were used to find the different methods used to help better the relationship between a doctor and child, but where are these methods practiced and have they been found as effective as they claim to be?
2. Have you considered providing some of the responses of the children when these actions are being practiced by these doctors?
James Plyler
ReplyDeleteProf. Loghany
ENC 1102-0038
11/21/13
Results/Discussion
The textual analysis of “The Last of Us” and “Beyond: Two Souls” revealed that indeed both games exemplified monomyth, however what is of note is how each of these unique games developed or focused on certain sections of the Hero’s Journey as compared to other less developed sections. This comes with the territory seeing as how not all stages of the Hero’s Journey need to be met, and the different sections that each game does so choose to focuses on is revelatory of the purposes the said games had in mind. Also, being video games and thus having other objectives besides telling a story, it is understandable that certain stages were indeed abridged.
The first game I examined, “The Last of Us”, had a clear cut and literal version of the Hero’s Journey: it began with a seemingly normal man, Joel, dealing with the everyday struggles of life, but he was soon thrown into the unknown when an infection spread by cordyceps -- a rare form of parasitic fungi -- caused those infected by it to turn ravenously feral. The game then jumps forward in time twenty years and the players finds Joel in a new life with new normalcies; essentially the “Ordinary World” and “Call to Adventure” sections of the Hero’s Journey were repeated here. As for the rest of the story, it followed quite closely to monomyth. Something of note is how exactly certain sections were dealt with; being a video game, it was able to provide unique ways of showing the player various sections by allowing the player to participate in said sections. For example, the game demonstrates the “Ordeal” section of the Hero’s Journey by having the player control the wounded Joel as he tries to get to safety. This allows for a much more intimate connection with the Hero’s Journey, which, once again, the “The Last of Us” follows quite closely
The second game I examined, “Beyond: Two Souls”, also followed monomyth quite closely, however it did so in a much more mental way. The game looks at the life of Jodie Holmes -- a girl who all her life has had a strange entity attached to her. While there were some literal elements of the Hero’s Journey present -- her having to leave her home as a young girl, her joining the CIA and doing various missions for them -- the part of the story that was of most note was how the Hero’s Journey was demonstrated by the relationship she holds with the entity that was attached to her -- which she called Aidan. At the beginning of the story she didn’t know it was there, but as things progressed she began to be quite frightened by it, however as things went on the experiences in her life brought her closer to it -- albeit the relationship was indeed tested at times. Being a video game that was not quite like others -- it was an interactive narrative and thus lacked the traditional gaming conditions -- it handled playing to the players emotions in a very unique way. Players were allowed to investigate environments and choose how certain situations played out. While the ending was more or less the same no matter what the player choose, each play-through of the game was organic and allowed me to feel like I went on the Journey alongside Jodie.
will review yours
Delete1) The first paragraph talks about the video game The Last of Us and concludes it follows the Hero's Journey in a traditional approach. The researcher briefly talks about the goal and motive of the video game and it's correlation to the Hero's Journey outline. For example, the trasition from ordinary world to call to adventure is listed and compared to. The researcher should include more details and outline each step of the Hero's Journey instead of making it as a narrative listing. This will provide a clearer visual in my opinion. Other than that, this is a great paragraph!
Delete2) This paragraph talks about the game Beyond: Two souls. The researcher notes that the game also follows the Hero's Journey, but also in a mental way as well. Briefly covers the storyline of the game Explains how this game deviates from the traditional video games- such as The Last of Us. Provides substainal details on why this game is considered a more mental outtake and takes notes about emotions and enviroment.
3) Overall, I liked this style of analysis- however I feel like there is more to expand on. Perhaps if I read the Hero's Journey I would have a better understanding of the researcher's analysis and data comparsion. However, since I am not a gamer, the researcher should appeal to all audience by making his analysis more narrow in a sense. Adding a visual would be helpful, in order to clearly see how the Hero's Journey compares to each video game.
Chad S.
ReplyDeleteProfessor Loghany
ENC 1102-0038
11/21/13
Results/Discussion
After reviewing my survey results, I could not have been more surprised. My predictions had been almost entirely inaccurate, and I had not accounted for additional possibilities beyond a dwelling apathy and simply being unaware of transpiring events. Instead, an entirely new answer to the question of disconnect became apparent.
Initially I was interested in how stereotypes might have played a role in predicting the disposition of the surveyee towards the NSA. What I found in my study is that political affiliation actually had no notable correlation with the stance that the surveyee held in each case. Of course you will have people with differing beliefs all across the spectrum, but the fact that not even a simple generalization could be made based off the political affiliation listed utterly shocked me. Likewise, there was no correlation to be made based off the year of education.
Regarding the authoritative position on the NSA of those taking the survey, less than five percent of the people that completed the survey answered both the constitutional question and the NSA’s current director question correctly. While this certainly does not mean these people were uninformed regarding the events of recent, it is still important to keep in mind.
Another generalization I expected the surveys to support was that those who selected to remain anonymous on the front-side of the survey would be more prone to openly disagree with the NSA’s actions. Once more, I found the surveys to indicate no such correlation; virtually everyone selected the option to remain anonymous, which brings us to the most critical concept drawn from the results.
As stated in the methods section, the back-side of the survey began with a short summary explaining the events that have been transpiring under the NSA. Initially, I assumed that those taking the survey who were in fact unaware of the NSA’s actions would be appalled, and therefore respond accordingly in the repeated questions at the end of the survey. To my surprise, this was the most grand of failed predictions on my behalf. There were plenty of surveyees who indicated they were in the dark regarding recent NSA events, yet those taking the survey in this position almost unanimously showed unmitigated indifference towards the NSA - some even defended the NSA’s actions, under the false pretense that the NSA absolutely must be doing a better job maintaining national security via these programs! This generalization extended far beyond those previously unaware of the now-exposed programs though.
As a whole, the surveyees showed an overwhelming majority of replete disregard of the cruciality of constitutional violations; indifference to the NSA’s invasion of privacy was neither a surprise to those being surveyed nor a concern. The students accepted the lack of privacy and deemed it anything but an imminent threat to any part of their lives. It has become clear that the current generation has come to passively allow privacy to be perverted into something less than a constitutional right; we must now ask how this has happened, and if we will ever see the day it is reverted.
I'll review yours
Delete1) Setup the topic and vaguely note the overall findings. Helps to establish the main point of theme.
Delete2) Political affiliation as compared to opinion/awareness of NSA actions. Key support is lacking, mentions the findings but gives no examples of the actual survey results (comparisons of overall population or actual examples of answers). The paragraph sets up the context and is written very well for setting up the topic as well as the results, but it gives no concrete evidence from the surveys to back up the claims. The last sentence reveals another point but does not expand on it in any way. It could either be included as an extension of this paragraph or, perhaps more effectively, be moved to a new paragraph that also covers education and NSA awareness.
3) Participants’ knowledge of the NSA/anonymity and opinions of NSA. Again, lacking in concrete evidence as support from the survey responses, but it does establish the actual contexts of the two topics well. Once evidence is added however, they may need to be split into two separate paragraphs to help keep them from becoming too long. Also, when referencing “the constitutional question and the NSA’s current director question” quote the actual questions so the reader knows exactly what it is that less than 5% of people got correct. This is also a good use of concrete evidence from survey results, but it does need that clarification.
4) Unaware survey takers responses after being told of recent events regarding the NSA. This paragraph is another that is lacking in concrete evidence, however it is just slightly mentioned. The context is set up very well again, and even gives an idea to the reader of what was actually found from the results of the surveys, however without examples or “number crunching” it is not as strongly asserted. The overall establishment of the topic here could use some expanding, it feels like it is being said and the reader is just getting into the new topic when it ends and moves on. When evidence is brought in that may be solved, but keep that in mind while rewriting this.
5) Closing paragraph/wraps up the overall results section. Written very well, however it may help to bring in examples from the results discussed above to help strengthen your final conclusion about the overall study/research. Regardless of this though, the final overall conclusion that you draw is established well and helps to bring everything together to give the entire results section a single direction.
Rankings (not including intro and conclusion)
1st - Paragraph 3
Paragraph 3 was the only paragraph to give an example of evidence (the reference to 5% of responders answering certain questions correctly), but it could still use clarification on that example, as well as the addition of more examples and findings. The final sentence does a good job of transitioning into the next paragraph, and again the context is set up very well.
2nd - Paragraph 2
Paragraph 2 I feel had the best contextual establishment of all of them, but it was a bit abrupt in ending as far as the amount of information that is included in the paragraph. It needs to have evidence included as stated above and it could also really use a better transition into the next paragraph. The final sentence regarding education feels unnecessary, however with the inclusion of a following paragraph that covers that topic, it would be a great transition sentence to flow into that.
3rd - Paragraph 4
I felt that paragraph 4 was what needed the most work, but not by much. It is also lacking in evidence like the others, although just faintly. The ending speaks about surveyees responses and how you interpreted them and it would be very easy to drop concrete examples of evidence into the analysis that exists in the paragraph. With that, it may be necessary to offer further analysis or maybe further context. It also might be necessary for a better closing sentence or two that makes it clear that you are nearing the end and that the conclusion is following
CONTINUED
DeleteMain theme
The main theme of the overall section seems to be that most if not all of the responders disregard the NSA’s actions as unimportant and are indifferent to spying and intrusions on privacy. I think that this is made very clear in the concluding paragraph of the section and pulls everything together, however it may help to maybe drop some references to this that specifically apply to each finding in each individual paragraph that analyzes the results found.
Questions
Does your own opinion on the topic show through too strongly in your piece?
It may be helpful to ask yourself if your own opinion on the events regarding the NSA should be disregarded and removed from your tone in the overall piece. It provides a feeling to the reader that you may analyze the results in a biased way due to whether or not you are searching for a specific outcome from your results and it may help with credibility if you remove yourself slightly and use a tone that does not make your own feelings so clear.
Is there more to the results that are not included in the piece?
It seems as if the results are slightly limited as far as different points and that there might be more to write about in this section. This may not be true and therefore may need to be disregarded, but from the point of view of the reader it feels as if there really is more to the results than is included here.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete*EDITED*
DeleteSheryl Esmond
Joseph Longhany
ENC 1102
11/21/13
The first thing I examined was the age of the children and how knowledge and understanding of their culture helps them identify themselves and the culture they associate with. I asked about their groups of friends throughout their academic years and if they were accepted into certain groups or not and if not, then if it got better as they grew up.
As I interviewed my participants, there was a mix of reactions. A few participants stated that they were social butterflies and got along with everyone throughout their academic years. Others stated that they were never really accepted in elementary school, but either their personality changed in middle school and they gained more acceptance to different social groups or they joined clubs or sports that helped them gain friends. My participants did inform me that multiculturalism did play a part when they got older. The Hispanic groups, the whites, the blacks, the Asians, the Christians, the Jews; 2 participants said they felt like they were only partially apart of their group of friends because they weren’t fully immersed in that culture like the kids with “pure blood lines” were. This mainly happened around middle school.
As I analyzed the interviews I recorded, I realized that a person’s personality played a larger part in acceptance rather than cultural distinctions. Although ethnicity and cultural distinctions do help in acceptance (especially in jobs), I disregarded a persons character and should’ve included it in my research.
I then focused on parental guidance in cultural teachings. I asked who was normally home taking care of them as children and also who cooked. This could influence culture in an indirect way (without sitting down and teaching them). They could associate more with one culture by the food they ate as they grew up etc…
One participant mentioned that her mom was home most of the time because her dad was a police and worked a lot. Her mom grew up in Japan and therefore, a lot of the food my participant ate was Japanese influenced. Another participant said that both her parents are Asian (Japanese and Chinese), but the food was different in subtle ways. She said she preferred the Chinese food because that’s was her mom cooked as she grew up.
These results demonstrate that indirect learning a culture can influence ones association with the culture. Most of the time, only one parent was home to cook and take care of the children while the other one worked. This creates a strong association with the culture of the parent who was normally there, creating favoritism for that parent’s culture.
My original hypothesis was that children of parents with different cultures would accept each culture equally as time progressed. My first interviews on acceptance did not come out as I hoped they would. I thought this would give me insight to how multiculturalism could skew one’s acceptance into social groups, but because I didn’t take into account a persons personality and how extroverted or introverted they were, my results were not very relevant to my research. I got better luck when asking about their parents. My hypothesis was that the parent that was more involved would create some kind of bias for the child. That the child would choose to be associated with that culture because that’s what they grew up around most of the time. This was, in fact, right and wrong. Out of the 10 students I interviewed, half went one way and half the other. Half of them stated that one parent raised them while the other worked and so they know more about that culture (just as I stated in my hypothesis) and the other half stated that both parents took turns so they were equally influenced by both cultures.
DeleteMy research could be beneficial for couples looking to start a family but are culturally different. These real life examples could help them stay on the track of blending their cultures successfully so the child doesn’t have any confusions of their cultural identity from when they’re little to when they’re adults.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAudrey Gaines
ReplyDeleteProfessor Longhany
ENC1102
21 November, 2013
Results:
Contrary to my theory that off-campus students most likely eat healthier than on-campus students, I found that students who live off-campus actually tend to go out to eat more often than those who live on-campus.
Out of the six students I interviewed, three of them lived off-campus. They explained that they usually grab a quick bite to eat in the student union between classes since they don't have time to go home and get back on campus in time for the rest of their classes. I asked them where they tend to eat when they go to the union. Their answers were Burger King, Huey Magoo's, and Sbarro. On the contrary, those who lived on-campus explained that since they don't live far from their classes, they have time to go home and make lunch or eat a small snack between their classes. Two out of three of the students who lived on campus said that they go out to eat one to three times per week, only when they wanted a break from turkey sandwiches and ramen noodles.
This shows that even though off-campus students may have all the equipment to prepare healthy meals for themselves, but time may be one of the resources that they do not possess.
Another interesting discovery that I made while conducting this focus group were the motives behind college students food choices.
The three top motives that attract students to various foods are convenience, cost, and dieting purposes. One girl explained that even if she is extremely hungry, she refuses to eat at fast food restaurants, or anywhere that does not contribute to her diet or figure. Although she was a bit more extreme than the others, all the girls agreed that when they go grocery shopping, they buy items that are low in fat and they all admitted to buying the 100-calorie snack packs. Male students seemed to care less about dieting and calorie counting. However, one thing was unanimous; the entire group agreed that cost and convenience were their two top motives when deciding on what to eat.
This shows that students are interested in food when it is convenient for them, and when it fits into their budget. Most students are not necessarily concerned for their health in the short term. As long as they've got their tummies full without hurting their wallets, they are happy campers.
Discussion:
According to the students I interviewed, time seems to be a factor that is missing from their lives. without time, students are unable to go home and prepare meals that are much healthier than the alternative of eating at a fast food restaurant.
The three most important motives behind students food choices are convenience, cost, and dieting purposes. Students have several expenses, and they seem to be throwing aside their physical health in order to save a few dollars. With the knowledge of these findings, college campuses could potentially include healthier options in the student union that are convenient and affordable.
I will review yours
Delete1.The first paragraph is focused on students living on or off campus and which one makes healthier food choices. The original theory was that students living in off-campus housing would eat healthier, but the results showed the opposite. There is no evidence in this paragraph.
Delete2. The next paragraph is about going out to eat rather than going home (to the dorm or apartment) to eat. There is strong support from both sides for deciding to eat out or not; time being the major problem. But off-campus students eating at BK, Huey’s, and Sbarro is not backed-up by any evidence as to why it’s relevant. Also, I think there needs to be a little something extra attached to the end of the last sentence. Student’s living on campus only eat turkey sandwiches and ramen?
3. This sentence ties paragraph 2 together, demonstrating that time is more important than equipment for students. I don’t think this should be a paragraph by itself. Connect it to the paragraph before.
4. This is focused on the motives behind student food choices. This is one sentence. There is no evidence. Connect it to the next paragraph.
5. The top three motives for student food choices are discussed here. Dieting purposes are explained thoroughly for females but not for males. Also, what was the ratio of males to females in your focus group? Maybe add in what price ranges they would look at when grocery shopping.
6. Motivation: convenience and price. This supports the paragraph above and explains why students are less concerned with healthier food choices. There is little evidence here because it seems like a closing sentence for the last paragraph. (But I love the last sentence with the happy campers. Too cute:)
7. Time is of the essence. This is supported just fine using –this is what they need, this is why they need it- This was effective in concluding the research from paragraphs 2 and 3.
8. Food choice motivation. Sine this is part of the discussion, the evidence is in the paragraphs above which is fine. This paragraph is effective in concluding research results from paragraphs 4 and 5.
Your work is very solid. I think you have mostly everything down besides a few more supporting details. Try to condense your paragraphs so they’re not so choppy and take an extra look at transitions. Also, I did not catch the disregard of physical health in the opening paragraph. Motivations should be explained more for cost and convenience, but dieting purposes is supported well.
The topics of time and convenience can be connected. You can show this in a new paragraph.
(Mention if you are looking at students living off-campus in an apartment or at home with family)
Question 1: What age ranges are your students? I know someone who was late 20’s when they started their undergraduate college classes. Older ages tend to be able to take care of themselves better than an 18yr old or 20yr old.
Question 2: As for time, are these full time students? What is their schedule like and do they work as well?
Jacob Bain
ReplyDeleteProfessor Joseph Longhany
ENC 1102
21 November, 2013
Results/Discussion
After forming a hypothesis contrasting the architectural editors beliefs, I began doubting my success in supporting this claim through the design of my experiment. Through an initial observational study consisting of numerous buildings here on campus such as the newer Teaching Academy building to older structures such as the Millican Hall, I found that the experts analysis hit spot on when examining our currently constructing campus. Claims made in my literature review immediately came to mind as it was easy to observe these structural flaws and prove their statements valid first hand. Buildings currently being constructed or in recent years constructed consisted of much more contemporary, sleek glass oriented design while existing structures consist of a more brutalist, bulky demeanor. So this claim was certainty evident and could easily be observed at my field location UCF. However, it was also evident that expansion and enormous student growth had led to this structural transformation. As the student influx rapidly grew the designers attention to detail and relativity to existing structures diminished. Leaving the campus with a vague hint of connectivity through the red brick themed construction but lacking a universal architectural style, this is exactly what the articles warned me about. Aesthetically, the architecture’s claims and previous observations were only strengthened through my personal field observation.
Functionality, was a different story however as the functionality criticism explained in my research was completely rejected through my gatherings. Through my personal analysis it seemed as if the claims regarding campus clustered layouts and inefficient traffic/travel planning were deemed false at UCF. UCF’s campus layout consists of series of concentric rings rippling outwards with the amenities all within walking distance. This rare concentric layout style is used extremely effectively as UCF as in is clear transportation within campus is far from failure. This aspect of analysis leads into another research gathering through my series of short surveys.
Continued...
ReplyDeleteAs mentioned before, my findings and observational analysis alone is not enough to dispute currently accepted beliefs. However, the important hole in this conversation came through with remarkably positive responses in this field. The short survey was given to just five participants living on campus and ten participants living off campus; through the results collected it is obvious that transportation and campus layout is not much of an issue for those most directly effected. Fourteen out of the fifteen surveyed scored satisfied or extremely satisfied in the functionality and layout portion of the survey. The only participant not included in the previous statement scored a close “somewhat satisfied” and was not dissatisfied, as I later asked why the subject chose what they did and they’re only negative comment was that there was “no where to park in the dormitory parking lots late at night.”
Other than this miniscule complaint the subjects showed great signs of approval towards their school in terms of functionality and layout. While students seemed please with the amount of time it took to get to class and transport on and off campus they seemed to heavily lack interest in the school’s aesthetics. As expected before examining my survey results, the subjects showed a lack of concern with architectural styles and themes present on their campus. Only two subjects took the time to comment on any specific satisfactions or dissatisfactions with the school’s aesthetics. One commented “the older buildings look a lot different than the new ones” while another wrote “the teaching academy building is confusing to get around and looks a lot less cool inside than it does driving by.” Both being negative reviews but overall validating existing discussion perspectives taken previously in the conversation. Overall the survey showed a large majority extremely pleased with the campus functionally and the layout of structures, while evidence of strong aesthetic interest remains unnoticed the test group as a whole scored unsatisfied with the school’s structural design.
Ultimately my results showed that my hypothesis is only somewhat accurate. I predicted that the student surveys displaying those most heavily effected by the school’s architecture, would presume a positive outlook and an appreciation for UCF’s unique layout and campus design. Though campus aesthetic design lacked supporting evidence, the layout design analysis showed extreme approval of the college layout. Both on campus and off campus students showed their satisfaction with the road and travel systems and contribute greatly to this study as well as the topic discussion as a whole. With my personal observation data along with the student survey’s public portrayal I believe my results gathered will contribute to the conversation and provide for further research to be looked into.
Results
ReplyDeleteThe table below shows everyone that took my survey along with the questions that actually matter. Some of the information won’t be able to fit. A yes in the space shows that the person answered the question and a no means vice versa.
Major Choose this major yourself? Past Experiences? Mother of Father studied? Pos/Neg
Influences Specific Story
Music Yes Yes No Yes (P)(N) Yes
Psychology Yes No No Yes (P) No
Chemistry Yes Yes No No No
Event Man. Yes Yes No No Yes
Bio- Chemistry Yes Yes No Yes (P) No
Biology Yes No Yes Yes (P) Yes
Bio-Med Yes Yes No Yes (P) Yes
Accounting Yes Yes No Yes (P) Yes
Architect Yes Yes No Yes (P) Yes
From the table, there are similarities in what students that have different majors. Each and every student chose their majors themselves. Two out of the nine subjects don’t have anything that has happened to them in the past that made them want to choose their specific major. Of all the students, only one person actually studied in something that their parents once did. Of the positive and negative influences, two students didn’t have any influences, 1 person had a negative influence and the rest of the subject had positive influences.
Discussion
This observation on the reasons as to why students choose their college major was not exactly what I expected. I expected things much more interesting that no when I asked some students if they had any stories they would like to tell about why they chose their major. Or maybe it’s because I was expecting too much in this research.
While observing my completed questionnaires, one thing that I did observe is that race barely has anything to do with this study. The only thing that I noticed is that students that are of Caribbean choose their majors based on a class they took in high school. Mrs. Blue who is from Trinidad wanted to study in psychology due to the fact that she took the class in high school and found it to be interesting to study. Mrs. Green who is from Jamaica wanted to be an accountant because she was in Business Professionals of America in high school and thought that she would give it a try in college. Mr. Pink who is also Jamaican is studying in chemistry took a chemistry class in high school and fell in love with it. This ties into
Another thing that I noticed is that the ratio in my survey show who is actually taking over the college world. The male to female ratio is 3 out of 9 at this point. Looks as if most males aren’t motivated to go into this collegiate level in life. Males pick majors based on what they like to do. For example, when I asked Mr. Pink about why he chose his major, he responded saying “I love chemistry.” Mr. Orange who is a music major tells that “playing the drums is something that I enjoy more than anything else”. And the last of the males, Mr. Red, who is an architect major says “I love designing things, it gives me a piece of mind that I crated something.”
Family still plays a major role in students’ motivations whether it be something good or bad. For instance, Mrs. Yellow, a Bio-Med major stated “my dad developed a lung disease later in his life and watching him through his struggles makes me want to help others.” While Mrs. Purple
From the previous information I noticed that females are more likely to study in something that is science related than males. Of the nine subjects with three of them being males, there are 4 females that
Leah Thomas
ReplyDeleteJoseph Longhany
ENC 1102 – 0039
21 November 2013
Results:
I generally found that students living on campus have a tendency to make healthier food choices than students living off campus, as well as a healthier attitude towards food consumption in general.
Those living on campus, due to their proximity to their homes, were more likely to consume fewer calories, but also be significantly less tempted by fast food restaurants on campus (and therefore consume larger portions.) Those living on campus, whether they used the meal plan or not, generally consumed more vegetables, fruits, whole grains and consumed less fast food or food of lower nutritional content. Students living in apartment style housing on campus frequently did not have a meal plan and were more likely to consume healthier food options, or if not, consume less unhealthy food options as they did not feel obligated to consume large portions to save money.
Males generally cared less regarding calories and nutritional content, but a few athletic males admitted to taking a special interest in carbohydrates and protein content. This relates more to physical fitness and a general understanding of the nutrients that are needed to exercise than a health standpoint. Females were more likely to consume more fruits, vegetables, lean meats, less soda and less alcohol (females, when consuming soda, were more likely to consume diet soda.)
Students working jobs in addition to attending school did not have a particularly decreased interest in health and nutrition, but admitted to not being able to make ideal food choices (such as cooking homemade meals, eating more fruits and vegetables) due to the demand and stress of their jobs.
Generally, students in the 21 – 23 age range cared slightly more about their diet than those in the 17 – 19 age range. This can be attributed to the fact that college freshmen and sophomores are still adjusting and unable to devote the attention needed to consuming a healthier diet.
Survey participants were surveyed using a simple 10 question survey asking their age, gender, living situation, food choices over the past few days, and related subject content.
DeleteHey Leah, I will cover your peer review!
DeletePeer Review
Delete1) The topic of this paragraph was focused on identifying that students who live on campus tend to make healthier food choices and have a healthier attitude towards food consumption. Since the first paragraph was only a sentence long, there was not much support or details listed.
2) The topic of this paragraph showed how students on campus made healthier choices and showed what types of foods were consumed the most. This paragraph was effective in showing what types of foods were most likely consumed; however, more support can be shown concerning the reason for students living on campus who consumed fewer calories. Also, was there a particular reason why they were less tempted by fast food restaurants? Explain how students living on campus were less tempted by fast food restaurants but consumed larger portions; what do you mean by that statement?
3) This paragraph focuses on how gender is evaluated through food choices. The support for males was much more detailed than for females. Is there a reason why females consume more fruits, vegetables, lean meats, less soda and less alcohol? Show support for that claim. Also, was the component of living on campus versus off campus evaluated for males and females too? More analysis would be helpful to understand this context.
4) This paragraph depicts how the interference of jobs plays into the role of making healthier food choices. This paragraph shows strong support and identifies the how stress can affect how a student makes healthier food choices. This paragraph is the most effective in identifying the claim found and the support behind it. You can still go into more detail to explain how not being able to make ideal food choices has affected their lifestyles.
5) This paragraph shows how the age group 21-23 cared slightly more about their food choices then the 17-19 range due to the fact that freshman and sophomores are still adjusting to college. More support for this paragraph is needed. Are there other reasons for this result? How much of a difference was shown between the group 21-23 and 17-19?
6) The last paragraph states that a 10 question survey was used to conduct this study. This paragraph was the least effective; it’s unnecessary for the results section because it should be explained in the methods section.
Overall…
It’s good that you separated paragraphs to show different results however, paragraph 1 can be combined with the second paragraph to build contextual support. No transitions were apparent however, the separation of results does make this section stronger and clearer for the reader to examine. Each paragraph was effective in regards to the clear direction that the paragraph is taking.
Paragraph 2, 3 and 4 needs more evidence and support for your findings. Go into discussion and show more details for the motives behind student’s food choices. I would like to see more analysis in these paragraphs. Maybe using percentages in your results would help identify a clearer trend. Charts would also be helpful to show the differences of these percentages.
There is more than one central claim being established. If you use percentages for showing your results, you can combine the highest percentages together and establish a central claim that is more evident for your results/discussion section.
Questions:
1) How does the choice of choosing healthy foods versus less healthier foods affect the student’s lifestyle?
2) You discussed why students on campus made healthier decisions but what aspects or factors helped play a role in determining how students off campus had less of a healthy attitude towards food consumption?
Thank you Christina!
Delete
ReplyDeleteRiaan Du Toit
Professor Longhany
ENC1102
November 22, 2013
I did a study involving a questionnaire set out for a focus group of six religious people. The main goal of my focus group was to get a better understanding of what people's reasons were for being religious, and how this correlated with 'true religious devotion.' And how this type of reasoning effects one’s belief and religious devotion.
Results:
Following the questionnaire, I talked to each individual and asked them just how strongly they felt about their beliefs. Whether they are completely religiously devout, or only slight. Those that told me they are completely religious, three of the six people, rated themselves 10/10 for almost every aspect except Religious community and Family Involvement. Those who told me they are not completely devout, two people, often rated themselves high on the Morals aspect and rather low on everything else. There was one person who rated himself rather low on everything except family involvement, which made the study all the more interesting.
Discussion:
My conclusion from this is that those who are completely devout understand that being a true believer is not only satisfied by believing in the Morals but rather, everything about the religion. One major factor to take into consideration is that most of my test subjects were either Catholic or Protestant. And from my understanding, as a Catholic or Protestant, you need to believe that Jesus died on the cross for your sins in order to be saved. However, many of my test subjects rated themselves rather low in the 'Biblical Events' section (especially those who considered themselves not truly devout). This makes me question the true depths of their belief, much like my own. It also makes me question people's reasoning. In the context of their religion, can they be considered rational for only partly believing? Has society come to the point where religious morals are simply guidelines, used for social convenience and individualistic justification? What about my test subject who rated himself low on every aspect except family involvement? I questioned his reasoning and he explained to me that he was on the border line of a Christian and an Atheist. I investigated further, and asked him why he rated himself the way he did. He explained to me that his parents were both very religious and they always tried to force it on him. Out of parental pressure and life's uncertainties, he felt a need to believe in something. And Christianity was the only religion ever presented to him. So where is the line drawn that divides those who are religious vs those who aren't? It is apparent that some claim themselves to be religious although they would not necessarily meet the criteria of being a true believer. Are we to judge, or should that power be in the hands of God?
I will cover your peer review.
DeleteI. This paragraph is to tell the reader about the study that has just been done; a brief method section of sorts. This section doesn’t seem exactly necessary for the “Results/Discussion” section, however I believe it is more than likely that this section was included for the sake of providing context for the reader. If not, then the author would be wise to omit this from the final draft; it would be a bit monotonous coming after the method section.
DeleteII. This paragraph list the results of said religious studies, and indicates the uniqueness of the results. For example, the author talks about how there were those in the study that consider themselves completely religious, however that still didn’t sway them to answer a “10” in the “Religious Community” and “Family Involvement” sections. She also considers how those who did not consider themselves to be religious still scored themselves as being high in the “Morals” section, but low elsewhere. Of the two noteworthy paragraphs here, I would say that this one is the weak one. While the author indeed brings up some noteworthy results, the separation of them from context of there significance makes these results lose their focus. I would advise: instead of having just two paragraphs -- Results and Discussions -- have multiple paragraphs that aren’t denoted which go into specific aspects of the results. That way the findings will have more immediate significance.
III.This goes into what the author concluded from the study. This is definitely the stronger of the two sections. The author considers what truly should be looked at as the conditions to be considered a religious person -- a true follower of a give faith. If one doesn’t subscribe to ALL the foundations of a give faith, how can one be considered genuine? The author brings up some very interesting points, and this section all in all would work as a grand conclusion for the paper. With that said, in keeping in mind that this is suppose to be the “results/discussion” section, perhaps more could be done in specifically looking at interesting aspects of the results; save the conclusions for the conclusion section. For example, I would ask you this:
“Did you ask the individuals who took your survey what they thought of the survey itself? If so, what did they think?” and “In keeping in mind the subjectivity of truth in this given context -- amongst the different candidates, do you think it is possible to arrive at substantial evidence to support prerequisite beliefs for pure faith? ”
Shawn Petrunak
ReplyDeleteIn my results, I was somewhat surprised to find a small distinction in how people viewed different types of humor. Going in, I didn't really have any expectations as to how the results would pan out, and I didn't even think that there would be anything that I could suggest was definitive, but I have been very pleasantly surprised to witness a small trend in my results.
All of the socio-economic classes found the Family Friendly comedy to be equally funny, which isn't necessarily surprising to me. To me the surprise was that the middle-class students (those whose families incomes were between $50-100k) all found the Kevin Hart video the funniest, and all of my upper class respondents found the Katt Williams video to be the funniest. I wasn't surprised to see a difference in how people viewed humor, but I think what I was surprised to find was that the rich tended to prefer the offensive humor. I was expecting the results to have found that the offensive humor would have been the least liked by all, but it wound up being the most liked by the wealthier subjects in my study.
Planning on doing yours for the peer edit!
DeleteHi Shawn! I don't think this is your final piece but rather just the beginning? I really like how you set up an "introduction" paragraph, I personally had trouble figuring out how to start and this was a great idea.
DeleteOn to the second paragraph, I think you may need to add a general statement to give an idea about what you are about to cover because the transition was slightly confusing. I really like how you put what surprised you and why. I have a clear understanding on what was surprising and why. Maybe some percentages could help you back up your statements? More work, I know... But may help bring in a clearer picture. I think you have a terrific start :)
Jake Yllander
ReplyDeleteProfessor Longhany
ENC 1102-38
The results I found through my survey were concurrent with the previous research I had done. The overall outcome of my survey encouraged me that I was on the right track, as the respondents were young and almost half of them were religiously unaffiliated. My previous research stated that 1/3 of young americans are religiously unaffiliated, seeing half of the population mark themselves as unaffiliated made me realize that specifically college students were religiously unaffiliated. This concurs with my evidence earlier that people who seek rational explanations stray away from religion. On top of that, I found that the population of respondents who did mark themselves as being religiously affiliated were overwhelmingly inclined to side with conservative ideals. 70% of the respondents who were religious were also conservative, leaving only 30% of half of the respondents being religious and liberal. Lastly from the results I found that 90% of the students surveyed used some sort of information sharing technology daily. This percentage is huge compared to adults and older generations who use technology much less. The 10% compared to 90% of people who used technology daily were not tied to being less religious or vice versa. But from this I can conclude that 90% of young americans in my research used technology daily, and 50% of the young americans I surveyed were religiously unaffiliated which is the desired relationship I was seeking when setting up this survey.
This comment has been removed by the author.
Deletei will be responding to yours!
Delete1. I believe the topic you looked into was learning young Americans religious affiliations and beliefs. I was a bit confused by your topic for it was unclear what exactly you were trying to accomplish/convey in your research. Furthermore, I think you should perhaps have more shown for your results or break it up into separate paragraphs because it is a bit unclear at the moment and difficult to understand. I think your results section could be a bit more concise, it is to the point, but you need to connect it back to your methods more accurately because right now I do not really know what exactly it is your trying to do. Also, perhaps read aloud, does have some sentence structure issues. I believe your central claim is the idea that those who do seek rational explanations stray away from religion. I found this statement extremely interesting, and if you could elaborate on it a bit further, it would improve this section. For example, what are these rational explanations that many Americans seek? How many people did you interview in your survey? As a reader, I believe you should explain the results more in detail to obtain a better understanding of what exactly you are trying to convey from your topic. In the first sentence, tie it back to your methods and research topic itself. This sounds interesting overall but could use some improvement!
DeleteAlexandra Beeman
ReplyDeleteProfessor Longhany
ENC 1102-38
22 November 2013
Hi all, this is no where near done. I started in the middle and ended up adding to the top and adding to the bottom and adding everywhere! But it's a section of STUFF.
Finding out the background and upbringing of the surveyors was a crucial aspect of the survey. When the surveyors were asked to give an approximation of their families annual income while growing up, more than half (68%) of those surveyed stated that their families incomes were either average or above average. I found income to be an important factor to consider because studies have shown those who are raised in families with above average incomes tend to rely on someone else to do things for them (Luthar), whether it is in reference to cleaning, or protecting. It is significant to contrast it to a law such as the ‘Stand Your Ground’ one that requires you to create protection yourself, which those who were raised in environments where it was done for them by somebody else may not be a accustomed to.
Another important aspect of analyzing someone’s upbringing with current controversies was recording the religion that they identify with. Many religions teach their followers how they should act as an ideal person within their religious community, which does impact a person’s daily views on things such as how you should retaliate to a person attacking you. Majority of the surveyors stated that they were Roman Catholic (42%), with Protestant Christian trailing behind (23%). This is significant because those within the Roman Catholic and Christian religion believe that having laws such as the ‘Stand Your Ground’ ones is against humanity (Davidson).
Though a person’s religion teaches them how they should react to life situations in according to their belief, as you are growing up your parents or guardians guide you as well. The surveyors were asked how their parents advised them to deal with situations such as being bothered by a fellow student in grade school. An overwhelming 49% recorded that their parents advised them to seek authority and tell an adult. Relating this to a ‘Stand Your Ground’ incident, according to my research a person is more likely to seek an authority to help (49%) or walk away (34%) versus fighting back (17%) in non-life threatening situation.
Also there are graphs included throughout but they will not paste on here.
I'll cover your peer review!
DeleteI. Income has a great deal of influence on a person’s willingness to work for their property, as opposed to being given property. Directions taken appear to be that larger incomes create a tendency to be reliant and how individuals use the “Stand Your Ground” law. These ideas are connected as this paragraph calls for a contrast between a sense of reliance, or entitlement, and a “Stand Your Ground” type law. Key support would be the percentage of average or above average incomes. It might be beneficial to include how many people were surveyed. I feel like 68% of 100 people would make more of a statement that 68% of 10. Use the numbers to your advantage. This section follows the Context/Evidence/Analysis model.
DeleteII. Religious upbringing can have an effect on the opinions of the “Stand Your Ground” law. The only direction I see is that Catholics and Protestant Christians are against “Stand Your Ground”. The key support here is also in the percentages. Once again use the numbers to your advantage. Whether this be sticking with just the percentages due to a smaller population or simply using the totals. I think the analysis at the end could use some work. Explain the correlation between Catholics and Christians against “Stand Your Ground.”
III. Parental guidance also has an influence on someone’s reaction to a “Stand Your Ground” incident. The majority of participants have been molded to seek help. Once again, percentages from the survey is where the evidence lies. There needs to be some form of analysis on this paragraph. You mention all the percentages but provide no thought on them. The reader is forced to draw their own conclusions about the data. Put in words how you’ve analyzed the numbers and draw the conclusion you wish people to reach.
Paragraph strength would be I, II, than III. Each paragraph loses one of the qualities of the previous one. I has more context and analysis than II. III has no analysis. Paragraph transitions work well! The transition from II to III is stronger that I to II. Perhaps you could employ a similar method of transition for I to II.
The main point seems to be that there are various manipulators of someone’s upbringing and how they react to current controversies. This is emphasized in the opening of paragraph II. Place this emphasis at the very beginning. Don’t let the reader guess what your claim is for the first section of your discussions. The series of claims are already placed into an umbrella claim! This is excellent!
I want to know more. Show me more evidence! Where in society is this knowledge crucial?
Explain the issue with “Stand Your Ground” (Granted I haven’t read your lit review or methods section, perhaps I don’t understand because I am getting the discussion section out of context)
What is the significance of how parents have influenced their children? What does this mean for the upcoming generation? Give me more! More, More! I’m intrigued! I want to continue reading!
Soooooooo helpful! THANK YOU Joseph!
DeleteThis is not finished, it is only a section of my results. My results section will be longer, but it is all interesting and important information. It will also be edited several times. =)
ReplyDeleteRESULTS
The results I found from my focus groups were not necessarily surprising, but were quite interesting. I went in with no expectations, anxious to see what each guy had to say about the matter. A lot of interesting things were shared, and they gave some reasons that I had never thought of before. For this reason, I found it important to include almost everything that was said.
I started the focus group by summarizing what I found in my research and sharing some important quotes from each topic (broadcasting, scheduling, ratings, and the media). First of all, I think it is important to note that all participants agreed that this huge popularity difference is a real thing. It was unanimous that the media has a huge advertising slant – for example, SportCenter advertises the NFL a lot more – but the difference between the two sports is still big. SIMMONS (the thirteen year old boy) provided proof for this when he said, “It’s true. The majority of people will pick football over baseball. Football stadiums are a lot bigger than baseball stadiums, and baseball stadiums are half empty while football stadiums are full.”
Some of the first questions I asked were, “Which one do you think has had the biggest impact/ been the most influential in contributing to the rise of football? Why?” and “Has it even been any of these factors?” The participants were slow in answering this questions, only because they all thought that it was really none of these factors. However, they did give some credit to the media. ROGER discussed the Super Bowl media specifically: “There are people who watch the Super Bowl for the commercials – the media is working so hard to create the best commercials for football. World Series companies don’t pay out money for a whole week of programming.” SIMMONS talked more about the advertising of each sport in general. He said that they “hype up the games for football a lot more than baseball. There are commercials all over the TV on channels that are affiliated with ESPN for Sunday Night Football. There is a lot more advertisement (for football) than baseball.” As for the Fantasy factor specifically, YAKOV attested that it does take a lot more work to play fantasy baseball than it takes to play fantasy football, but both BROSEFUS and ROGER (**said “there’s also Fantasy baseball**) agreed that Fantasy does not have as big of a part as people make give it. BROSEFUS summed it up when he said, “it is not really any of these factors.”
RESULTS (cont.)
ReplyDeleteAlthough they all agreed that the main contributor to this shift is something else entirely, they did place some focus on the scheduling differences. YAKOV pointed out that it is a lot easier to be a dedicated football fan because there is only sixteen games instead of 160. “It’s easier to blow off a baseball game. Once a week is a good strategy because it’s something to look forward to. People circle their calendars for one game.” ROGER also said that football schedules make it easier to watch, because there’s another baseball game tomorrow. RAMBO agreed with both YAKOV and ROGER: “Scarcity makes each game much bigger since there’s only sixteen.” However, RAMBO pointed out another impact of the schedules that I had not thought about before. “The time of year (that football runs in) is associated with the two biggest holidays of the year – fall, Thanksgiving, and Christmas are seasons of the year people go nuts for. Yeah, summer is great, and it goes with baseball, but it’s not quite the same.”
According to the fans, scheduling has played a part in the popularity of football, but it is not the biggest factor. Without a doubt, the unanimous decision on what is has had the biggest impact is the culture in America. There were several underlying themes within this one aspect. First of all, the scoring. According to RAMBO, football is faster and there’s more scoring, which Americans like. Baseball is more of a technical skill game, and football is physical contact, which is appealing to people. The contact, fast-paced, and higher scoring potential draws people to football. Patrick countered this: “I don’t agree, because if you broke the score down, the scores equal out. It’s a different scoring system,” to which RAMBO agreed. BROSEFUS was on board with SIMMONS, saying “the whole thing is arbitrary – people picking one over the other as high scoring. They have different scoring systems.” The next theme is the nature of the game. “In football, if a team is constantly moving five yards forward, there appears to be more action in the game, and people are smashing into each other, whereas in baseball the pitcher is constantly checking the runner back,” said RAMBO. He suggested baseball could improve their fan base by enforcing a pitch clock, or some kind of time limit between pitches to shorten it so that the pitcher cannot stand there for thirty seconds. SIMMONS disagreed, to both points: “It’s not faster. They (football) always take timeouts before field goals, and there are always forty-five second breaks,” and to the pitch clock, “but they’re getting the signs.” Besides the pace of the game, there is also the violence factor. ………………….
I thought it was really well written but there were a lot of back and forth ideas. In your first posting I felt like it wasn't very organized and your quotes that you posted from SIMMONS could have been elaborated on more because I felt like you jumped from topic to topic. I understand this is pretty much your first draft so of course nothing is going to be perfect. Also, focus more on making sure there aren't so many back to back quotes. You want to spread them out to make it more effective. Overall though, for a first draft it's pretty good. You stated in the beginning that it will also be longer which I took into consideration. I think you have a pretty good handle on it. When you finish your results section, I will be happy to read over it and give you any more of my opinions!
DeleteYour Name: Vivienne Do
ReplyDeleteProfessor's Name: Joseph Longandy
Course: ENC-1102 Section 0038
Date: Nov. 22, 2013
Results and Discussion:
In this section I will highlight the results I found in
-Nutritional Survey
-Focus Group discussion finding
-Food sensitivity
All of my results are results that will be comparing Group A- Vegans/Vegeterain to group B-Omnivore. I will be using the term Group A and group B often in my results.
Nutritional Survey:
I took the first 30 surveys answered by each group as my data collection. Unfortunately, I could not pool in enough results for Group A when advertising the survey online, I had to seek participants elsewhere. These locations ranged from the Vegan festival as well as vegan cafes located primary downtown. I found that the average passing rate in Group A was 65%, in comparison the passing rate of Group B of 20%. This is a big significant difference in passing rate. I also found that only 20% (6 people) knew the answer to question 6 in Group A, compared to 43% (13 people) in Group B. Question 6 asked about which item burned the most energy per the calories, and many people in general answered Carbohydrates. However, the correct answer is Fat. This is the only question in which Group B had a higher percentage of passing compared to Group A.
Generally speaking, I do not think my survey has enough questions in order to find a precise data collection. Yes, it is deemed accurate because of the general percentage comparison, however, since I only took data from a small amount of people it does not have a very accurate. Having said this, if I were to repeat this project in a longer time frame, I would increase my sample size to 100 people in each group.
Focus Group:
I asked Group A the reasoning behind their choice in veganism and what kinds of advantages did they experience as well as the disadvantages. Three out of four members said they converted to veganism due to wanting to lose weight/ become healthy. I asked them where they found the source that turning vegan= losing weight/ becoming healthy and they all answered online. In general, all of them have heard of the concept ‘’vegan’’ through media, cafes and everyday life occurrences. They would then use the web as a search engine to find out the benefits of veganism and different recipe. One member said they turned vegan due to a bet he lost to a friend of his, and after experiencing the frame of veganism- he just never went back to consuming meat products. All members agreed that veganism should be a lifestyle choice and that it’s definitely harder to receive all of the nutrition recommended by nutritionist guidelines. Everyone agrees that the timeframe of switching completely to a vegan ranged from 3-6 months. The benefits experienced were: increased energy, clearer skin, more home cooked meals (saved money by not eating out), overall positive outlook. Disadvantages: have to read labels when buying groceries, have to check ingredients when eating out, social gatherings tend to be awkward when meat as the meal is involved, irregular bowel movement, supplements.
Food sensitivity
--- To be added.
Results:
ReplyDeleteDespite my Hypothesis that those who lived farther away chose not to have the meal plan. Out of the 40 people who lived closest to a meal plan location tended to not have meal plans at all. Those who live in towers have access to a community kitchen and most did not purchase any meal plan ( while the few who did, purchased a small one) those who lived in Libra do not have a kitchen access at all yet three out of the four did not have a meal plan. When inquired further they said they if they cook it’s with a microwave, but they mostly eat out. Contrary to belief, those individuals also ‘believed’ in the health of their food just as much as those who had a meal plan or a means of cooking healthier foods; but it seemed that because of their limited resources what they actually ate wasn’t as healthy as the y liked to be. These individuals also ate out more than those with a meal plan and also ate less often.
Those living in dorms with kitchens that were farther away from meal plan locations often said they regretted buy full meal plans since it was more of a hassle to go to either location for a snack or meal. They also commented saying they tend to be forced to over eat knowing they won’t be able to eat for a while.
Discussion:
Unanimously the survey found that men and women, meal plan or no meal plan had a change in their diets for the worst. More females voiced their opinion about needing to eat healthier while most males said the probably should eat healthier. Based on the information I gathered, those near the meal plan locations should look towards unlimited meal plans, while those who live farther away should invest in smaller meal plans and look for dorms with a kitchen. The freshman 15 is really unavoidable, you might not gain 15 lbs; but as a college freshman being free for the first time it’s wise to be conscious.
I'll cover your peer review.
Delete1. The point of this paragraph is to summarize the author's findings. There are many things covered (and perhaps this paragraph should be broken up into 2 paragraphs because of that). The opening sentence is a fragment. I'm not completely sure what all of these observations have to do with the original hypothesis though...
Delete2. This paragraph is talking about the issues mainly related to people living in dorms with kitchens. "regretted buy" should be "regretted buying" and "commented saying" is kind of redundant. I do see how this relates to the hypothesis.
3. This paragraph discusses the change in diets of the people who took the survey. This may be because I haven't read the rest of the essay, but I'm not sure where the "change in their diets" is coming from; that is, how did you know they've changed their diet? Especially if they don't have a meal plan and don't live on campus, do you know if they've changed anything at all? Also, does your discussion's conclusions ("should look towards unlimited meal plans" for example) take monetary concerns into account?
The overarching theme that I believe this essay is aiming for is how a meal plan does or does not affect (the healthiness of) student diets. I believe it needs some work regarding clarity though.
I think the 2nd paragraph was the most effective for me personally, with the 3rd paragraph being next, and the first paragraph was the least effective for me out of the 3. I can very directly see how the 2nd paragraph relates to your hypothesis, but the 1st paragraph really just seems like a barrage of survey information. At least with this small portion of the essay, I can't say it's clear to see how all of the results in the first paragraph are related and necessary.
Much of my lack of understanding probably would be remedied with reading the rest of the essay, so I apologize if I've completely missed something from only having this small portion to read. Good luck!
First part of my results surrounding the subject area! It is just a first draft and will be improved.
ReplyDeleteAfter sending out the emails to the teachers I was surprised with the responses I received. I went into this research study thinking that there would be a common consensus from the voices of the teachers, which was probably naive of me.
One of the major contributors I found to whether teachers felt prepared or unprepared was the subject area that they taught. The first responses I received were from math and science teachers in two different parts of the country. They both agreed that they did not feel as if their school system had properly prepared them for the switch to common core. However, just a few days later I was receiving responses from history and English teachers and their responses contradicted the earlier ones. This allowed me to ask follow up questions to these specific teachers to find out the real reason to why there were such drastic differences even within the same schools.
With these new standards there is a new emphasis on reading comprehension. “I do not think it is fair to have a student who excels at math fail a math test because he/ she is not a good reader” (Chemistry. Amos). It is no longer whether a student can understand the Pythagorean Theorem and execute it on a test. It will now entail word problems which if the student isn’t comprehending the problem will end up doing bad on the test. Because of this teachers are now having to change the way they teach. English and History teachers are familiar with teaching reading comprehension. English teachers, especially upper level, have been practicing these ideas for more than just the last few years, “I believe my switch to common core was easier than most teachers because I am an AP teacher who practiced good teaching strategies that CC implements such as critical thinking skills and writing to learn” (English. Smith).
Another aspect that I realized in my gap is there has to be a focus on all students, not just the top 10% of a class. Honors and AP teachers are going to have an easier time with pushing their students because their students have more of a drive to learn. “Studies have shown that kids from lower socioeconomic homes hear far fewer words than those from more affluent homes… It is unfair to expect teachers to bring these students up to the same level, or to teach at the same speed as those teaching the students who enter at a higher level” (Chemistry. Amos). It is unrealistic to think that every school in the country can meet these standards when they all come from different regions with different environments. There is of course the need to push students to be the best they can be but if for some reason the student is just unwilling to take the extra step to understand the information that there is no reason that the teachers should be punished. “It is beyond comprehension for some students, especially those with an IQ in the 70s” (Math. James). With that being said, it will take the students cooperation and extra effort to try and adapt to these standards and some just do not have the drive.
Throughout researching I thought the schools with more government funding would be more prepared. That was however not the case, “If our school (which is one of the top in the nation) is doing poorly, I can’t imagine that underachieving schools will do well” (Math. James). Some teachers felt as if there were enough workshops offered and others felt like “feel as though we are going through it blindly because the information and training we need are either not available or not easily accessible” (Amos). There needs to be a better way of getting information out to the teachers so that they feel comfortable teaching it to the students. Because these new standards are mandated by the federal government they should be bending over backwards to make it the most successful change possible.
I'll do yours for the peer review! =)
Delete1) There were different responses from different teachers depending on what subject area they taught – there were different answers within the same school too.
Delete*Just make sure you clearly indicate that difference.
a. This was more of an introduction paragraph, but maybe you could add a little more detail to make it clearer and more interesting.
2) Common Core should not be implemented into math – it is easier for some teachers because they are used to teaching some of the same things that Common Core focuses on, like English teachers and reading comprehension. But it does not work for things like math.
a. This paragraph was kind of confusing. I didn’t know who these people were that these quotes are from. Also, make sure the quotes you use make a strong point, and indicate how it makes that point. So this one needs to be clearer, so that the reader knows what you’re talking about and who are you are quoting, and what point you are making with it.
b. Also, try not to a lot of your own opinion about it in this section, just because it is the Results section. Some is okay, just try not to give a lot, like the middle of this paragraph. If you are paraphrasing something a teacher said, that’s fine, just make sure you indicate that.
3) Two points: 1 – Students are on different levels, and it is unrealistic and not right to try to force them to all be on the same level. 2 – Teachers should not be punished for the students struggle with the material.
a. The first sentence – I think I know what you’re saying – that they need to consider the impact these changes will have on all students, because the “not top 10%” may struggle with them – just make sure you clearly indicate what you mean.
b. I think this paragraph is much better! You made a good point here with the information from your research. Just make sure that you indicate who your sources are, and make sure they’re quotes make a strong point. This is pretty good paragraph!
4) Government funding is not a factor to how well prepared a school is. Teachers need to have a better way to be equipped to teach the Common Core.
a. You did a good job of pointing out how what you found in your research contradicted your original thought. This paragraph is good too! Your sources in this paragraph backed up both of your points well too. Just make sure you clearly indicate who is talking.
SO, Overall…
- I think you have some good information from your research here, you just need to make sure that you utilize it strongly, and clearly communicate the point that it makes.
- I would want to know who these people are from your research: “Mr. Smith, a science teacher from California, said….” Just so the reader knows who they are. It’ll help it make a lot more sense, and will also make your paper stronger.
- IF you can (I don’t know what information you got back), you could even try to use more information of what the teachers said – that’ll make it stronger too. But you may not be able to, depending on what you got back.
- I couldn’t really find ONE central theme, but you’re still working on it and it’s not finished, so you’re good there.
So, I think you have good information and good points, just make sure they are emphasized and are clear and easy to understand. Make sure you are making your points from the information you found, and not using the information you found to back up your own point – hopefully that makes sense. Also make sure your reader knows who the quotes are coming from.
Questions:
Who are these quotes coming from?
Did you know about these problems before getting the answers back from the teachers?
Joseph Puccio Ball
ReplyDeleteProfessor Joseph Longhany
ENC 1102
November 22, 2013
I believed going into this research that a large percentage of the population was not entirely aware of how the Catholic Church operates. This can be and has been grounds for numerous misunderstandings. One example would be, the recent resignation, or abdication, of Pope Benedict. Despite general misunderstandings of a Pope’s resignation there is a clear way of doing so (Fanning). The participants’ responses to how the Catholic Church operates to make its decision varied. I categorized each answered with three degrees: understood, somewhat understood, and misunderstood. By using the Catechism of the Catholic Church: Second Edition’s explanation of the how the Catholic Church comes to decisions, I was able to judge participants’ responses accordingly. Described in the catechism, the governing office of the Catholic Church consists of bishops that act as vicars of Christ. The bishops however do not act as vicars of the Pope. Rather the Pope defends the decisions all the Bishops have made. The Bishops, “authority must be exercised in communion with the whole Church under the guidance of the Pope.” Of thirty-one responses, none hit the nail on the head. Eleven responses fit into the “somewhat understood” category by providing answers mentioning the Pope and the Bishops. With the large number of participants that honestly did not know how the Catholic Church operates as a governing office, it is affirmed that not all, even some Catholics aren’t entirely aware of how the Church operates. If this is indeed a reflection of society, I am appalled and puzzled. How can so many not understand, yet criticize?
My initial finding, dealing with survey participants’ Catholic affiliation, proved to provide responses which matched my expectations. As a Catholic I recognized that a large portion of my circle of friends would also happen to be Catholic. Out of the thirty eight responses, A total of eighteen participants were raised Catholic. Twelve participants responded saying that are practicing Catholics. Following my assumptions, this confirms that there is a portion of Catholics who have left the church. Of the thirty-one to responses to a question asking the general impression of the Catholic Church twenty-three participants responded with “Positive” while the other nine with “Negative”. Impressions, coupled with the amount of non-Catholics in the survey (twenty-five) confirms that not all non-Catholics are opposed to the Catholic Church. A rather specific finding involved the use of the phrase “Cradle Catholic”. Only three participants responded with “Cradle Catholic” which leads me to believe that this phrase is not as commonly used as suspected. The rhetoric used to describe one’s religion can exposed them as to how devoted they might be.
(Continued)
DeleteThe entirety of this research has had an elephant in the room. It cannot be denied that LGBT issues are a premier concern the public might have with the Catholic Church. Of thirty-two responses only fourteen said that the Catholic Church infringes on a particular groups rights. Seven of those fourteen also said their general impression of the Catholic Church was “Positive”. I believe this voids the assumption that those who disagree with some of their decisions in the world automatically view the Catholic Church as negative. When asked if the Catholic Church infringes on any particular group’s rights, most said that homosexuals rights’ were infringed I used a similar system to judge participants’ understanding the Church’s teaching on homosexuality. Once again I took from the Catechism of the Catholic Church: Second Edition, which states that homosexual acts are of, “grave depravity,” and, “that under no circumstances can they be approved.” It also mentions that, “They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity.” Of thirty-one responses eight understood, fifteen somewhat understood, and eight misunderstood. I was glad to see that at least some portion of the participants understood. However, this evidence shows that many people who believe the church infringes on peoples’ rights do not understand the churches teaching on homosexuality.
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
Deletewill be fixing this so new posting will be up soon!
DeleteAs everyone else is saying, revisions will have to be made but here is a section of my results and discussion section!
ReplyDeleteGemini Martin
Results and Discussion
Through out the research I conducted I discovered most of the participants shared a common view of the fashion industry as a whole. The varied ages however, showed more or less interest in discussing their opinion of the topic. The 16 and under age group were a little less comfortable with the topic. I believe this was because they did not fully understand the siginificance of the impact the industry has on them. They are less aware of the ways their minds were being warped by the media and the magazines. They may not be subscribed to one particular fashion magazine; however they do not have to be. Standing in line at the grocery store, watching the television, being exposed to the industry even by secondhand mediums, they are still being shown way the industry wants them to see. What I examined with the children in my research was theyj, even though they gave their answers with limited words and what seemed like limited opion, they gave me just what I needed to prove that the industry has more power than we realize.
The age group of 16-25 had more to say, and this I believe is a direct correlation to this generations direct connection to the industry. Through several media outlets, this generation is more in tune with the high ends of fashion. They know more about the roots and ways of the industry. Now I believe, through my analysis of the answers, this is the most effected generation of the industry. These are the children that have grown up with the fashion magazines always on display. This is the generation where the Internet became this major everyday life ordeal, and this opened up a world that was unobtainable before this time. These participants knew they were effected by the industry. They could identify with the fact that the magazines, the Internet and social media all had an effect on their lives. This is due to two facts I believe. One, because they can comprehend the fact that what we surrond ourselves with, are how our thoughts and actions are formed. Two, I believe that this generation welcomes the way the industry contorts their beliefs. They like the industry, they want to be a part of the glamorous lifestyle that they see portrayed to the mediums they are exposed to.
The last generation was by far the most opinionated. They were the ones they viewed the societal shift from a far. This are the people that were aware of the explosion of thechnology and media; however, unlike the previous age groups, they did not grow up with. I believe through analysis, this generation frowned upon the industry. The participants explained that they believed the models in the advertisements were too skinny, or most likely had an eating disorder. They didn’t believe in the ideals the industry was putting out there.
Madeira Mas
ReplyDeleteProfessor Longhany
ENC 1102-38
22 November 2013
Rough Draft Results:
After analyzing my survey results, I realized only two people identified themselves as neither a cat person or dog person so I decided not to include them in the final analysis. I found that those who identified as both cat people and dog people made the highest average score (53%) on the trick question test. Following was cat people with an average score of 46%, and then dog people with an average score of 41%. Then after evaluating the Satisfaction with Life Scale results I found that each type of person had an average score that equated to being satisfied with their life except for cat people. Their average score presented them as being only slightly satisfied with their life. To analyze the Scale of Positive and Negative experience I subtracted the score of negative feelings from positive feelings to get the affect balance. Dog people had the highest average affect balance of 9, and cat people had the lowest average of 4.86. Those who identified as both dog and cat people had an average affect balance score of 6.67. Next I chose to analyze the personality matches by concluding that if at least three personality traits were in common then it was a match. Two people matched personalities with their current pet and four people matched personalities with their current pet and also identified them as their preferred pet. I then found that seven people matched personalities with their preferred pet and three people matched personalities with both their preferred pet and current pet.
Revised*
DeleteRough Draft Results/Discussion:
After analyzing my survey results I realized only two people identified themselves as neither a cat person or dog person so I decided not to include them in the final analysis. Of my 26 participants 17 were females and 9 were males, 42% identified as dog people, 27% identified as cat people, and 23% identified as both cat and dog people. Surprisingly, my findings somewhat support the stereotypical idea that cat people are “smarter” than dog people. I found that those who identified as both cat people and dog people made the highest average score (53%) on the trick question test. Following was cat people with an average score of 46%, and then dog people with an average score of 41%. This obviously doesn’t prove that cat people are smarter than dog people but perhaps it shows that cat people tend to be slightly better analytical thinkers than dog people and those who are both cat people and dog people tend to be even more so.
Then while evaluating the Satisfaction with Life Scale results I expected those who identified as dog people to have an average score of being extremely satisfied. However, I found that each type of person had an average score that equated to being just satisfied with their life except for cat people. Their average score presented them as being only slightly satisfied with their life. This would imply that dog people and those who are both dog people and cat people are more sanguine than cat people.
To then analyze the Scale of Positive and Negative experience I subtracted the score of negative feelings from positive feelings to get the affect balance. Dog people had the highest average affect balance of 9, and cat people had the lowest average of 4.86. Those who identified as both dog and cat people had an average affect balance score of 6.67. This clearly shows that dog people may tend to be more optimistic while cat people may tend to be more pessimistic. Furthermore, based on the results of these two scales it can be assumed that dog people tend to be happier than cat people.
Next I chose to analyze the personality matches by concluding that if at least three personality traits of someone and their pet or preferred pet were in common there was a correlation between their personalities. Based on this assumption two people matched personalities with their current pet and five people matched personalities with their current pet and also identified them as their preferred pet. I then found that seven people matched personalities with their preferred pet and three people matched personalities with both their preferred pet and current pet. Three people did not match personalities between their current pet or preferred pet. A particular trend that I found interesting while examining this aspect of my surveys was that a Siberian husky was the most preferred pet mentioned. Needless to say these results show that there is a correlation between people’s personalities and their pets’ or preferred pets’ personalities. However, some might not consider a match of at least three personality traits enough to determine this.
I will review yours!
DeleteParagraph overviews:
DeleteThe first paragraph addresses the survey results. Madeira identifies that in his surgery only two people identified themselves as neither a cat person or a dog person. Maderia then goes on to specify what her 26 participants consisted of, female or male, and what those test subjects preferred, dogs or cats. She also goes on to address the matter of, whether cat people are smarter than dog people. In order to determine this, she gives them a trick question test which then supports her theory. She concludes her paragraph by saying that cat people may slightly be better analytic thinkers than dog people. This paragraph serves to introduce what her test subjects preferred (dogs or cats) and how their intelligence differed.
The second paragraph links satisfaction based on the Life Scale results and how cat people are actually less satisfied with their lives than dog people and dog/cat people.
In the third paragraph Madeira addresses the topic of Positive and Negative experienced based off the Scale of Positive and Negative experience, subtracting negative feelings from positive feelings to get an affect balance. Based off her findings, she concludes to state that dog people tend to be more optimistic while cat people tend to be more pessimistic, and dog people tend to be happier.
In the last paragraph it analyzes and attempts to find a correlation between the personality of the pet owners and that of the pets.
Rating Scale, Main theme and Questions:
Revised*
Rough Draft Results/Discussion:
Rating (2) for paragraph one.
What does the trick question involve? Maybe a slightly overview could be useful for clarification. Are there any other tests that can be done possibly testing for other kinds of intelligence? Overall, solid paragraph.
Rating (1) for paragraph two.
Interesting finding. I wonder why cat people are less satisfied with their lives. May it be their personality? Does their satisfaction relate in any way to their analytic view of life? Simple and effective paragraph, well done.
Rating (3) for paragraph three.
How exactly does optimism and pessimism correlate to Positive and Negative experiences? More however, how does optimism and pessimism correlate with the joy of having a pet? Can't you still be optimistic about something even though you do not truly enjoy it? Some clarification in that regard is needed.
Rating (4) for paragraph four.
What do you mean by preferred pet? I was rather confused here. If they were to get a pet they would pick one based off similar personalities? And how can you match personalities with a pet that you don't have? I think you might need to clarify that a little bit.
Main point of Theme:
I have a rather hard time grasping what your main purpose is in this results/discussion paper. Is it trying to correlate personality and pets, intelligence and pets, satisfaction and pets, or mood and pets? Or is it just overall well being of the owners and their relationships with their pets? It may just be a results/discussion post but stating your main purpose at the start will greatly help the reader see the bigger picture.
Questions asked are found in the Rating Scale.
Rachel Tyler
ReplyDeleteProfessor Longhany
ENC 1102-0038
22 November 2013
Through the analysis of my data, I arrived at the conclusion that those who are both supportive and not supportive of gay rights both had a strong reaction to the videos presented. I saw a trend occurring throughout the subjects with an already existing support of gay rights: the videos I presented left people having a stronger opinion towards their viewpoint. However, regardless of viewpoint, each video individually made each subject willing to open up about their beliefs, with each subject giving more detailed answers in the post video surveys in contrast with the preliminary survey. These rhetorical strategies may not necessarily change the opinions of others just by the viewing of one video, but it made them more willing to participate in a conversation and it opened up a topic we may not have talked about before. I had one gay subject in the group, who stated their mood as “hopeful” after the first video. Although she was the only lesbian that participated, this is a good indication of the feelings that go through the mind of a gay person when watching pro-gay rights rhetoric. It gives them hope for the future. Overall, my results were surprising. I initially thought I would end up with results that show an impact on opinion from the rhetorical strategies used. It seems that the numerical system may not have been the best way of measuring the change in opinion due to the bias from the subjects themselves--they were able to remember their previous answer and give a score based on their strength of their original viewpoint. I noticed that with the anti gay rights subjects that their numerical value of their answer did not necessarily change to the question “On a scale of one to ten, what is your position on gay rights?” but began to change their rhetoric from the preliminary survey that was more “empathetic” rhetoric than before. This was also a surprising find, because it was almost as if there was a subconscious change in the feelings of these subjects, without knowing they were changing the wording, vocabulary and syntax of their answers to become less "against" the idea of gay rights.
Joseph Wiggins
ReplyDeleteProfessor Joseph Longhany
ENC 1102
11-23-13
A preliminary finding from the responses to my survey showed interesting information regarding the population of the overall participants and their involvement in video games. Of the responders there were more males than females (13 were male and 9 were female) all between the ages of 18 and22. What was interesting to find about this group was first, that more female participants responded than expected, but also when they answered if they had played video games before, only 3 out of 22 participants responded with a no, all three of whom were female. This stands out due to the fact that there has been a general idea that overall, female players are extremely rare when it comes to video games. With 6 of 22 participants being female gamers (about 28%), it seems as though this is becoming less true with over a quarter of this population being female gamers, and of the group of solely gamers, it is almost 32% female. With the general idea that video games are only for boys being such a large view, this would seem to disprove that now, showing that more females are playing video games than before, and more likely than not, that number will continue to grow and even out the population of gamers.
My next finding was in regards to the participants’ overall feelings on the topic of video games in general. There was a general consensus that video games are a fun and entertaining activity to do in your free time, almost unanimously, the participants agreed on this point, calling them fun, entertaining, etc. More specifically, most responders also agreed that video games are a good way to relieve stress and “release angry energy or negative energy”; 12 responders seem to agree with this or similar statements about video games. What is interesting about this is the fact that even the non-gamer responders seemed to view video games as a fun form of entertainment for those who do play them, and simply don’t play because they either don’t have time, or enjoy other things more than they want to play video games. I think this is something that calls for attention because it seems to show that less and less people see gaming in a negative light than is perceived or than there used to be.
When asked about violent video games in particular and their feelings on that, more interesting results appeared that would strengthen the previous claim. I asked the participants in the survey if they thought violent games were dangerous to players and who specifically, as well as what it was that they thought affected them. What was extremely interesting to me was the fact that again, there was an almost unanimous agreement on the idea that the games are not in fact dangerous to the players. All responders stated that they were not, however some went further to say specifically who they believed may be affected more strongly. Of the 10 participants who answered the question of who they believed may be more strongly affected, 5 said that they thought players of a younger age group (generally around 12 and under) were more impressionable and therefore more in danger of being affected, and 5 said that they thought players who were mentally unstable or suffered from a mental illness were specifically in danger from the influences of violent video games.
CONTINUED
DeleteWhat many of the participants seemed to agree on was the actual ways players may be affected. One major argument was that players would have a “slight desensitization towards violence” as well as similar statements that players may develop a “carefree attitude with killing” and a “lack of consequence” after having played through a violent scenario in a digital and fake world. This is remarkable to see that so many participants see this specifically, because of past research that has been done, it has been proven that violence in media in general does in fact desensitize people to violence in life and it shows that people may be more aware of the topic of violent games than is currently believed by those who argue that games are dangerous. Another larger idea that came up in responses was that the violent games may actually increase the likelihood of aggressive action taken by players, meaning that players may act more violently in the real world after committing acts of violence in the fake world of the game they were playing. One participant in particular cited a specific experiment they were familiar with known as Bandura’s Bobo doll experiment, which concluded that people imitate what they see whether they choose to or not, in order to argue that players will imitate the aggressive actions of their characters. This is specifically notable because it shows that, while more people seem to recognize that violent video games are much less dangerous than has been so strongly argued, there is still a fair amount of people who see them as dangerous.
What we can gather from this data are a few general conclusions regarding how people in this age group perceive violence as it appears in video games. For one thing, the population of gamers seems to be changing in a significant way regarding the inclusion of female gamers. More and more girls appear to be playing video games than before, which is breaking down the barrier that makes gaming a purely masculine activity. Along with this, it seems as if more of today’s population are accepting of the gaming industry than in the more recent past. Many people seem to recognize the good ways games affect players and how the negative aspects are not nearly as strong as had been previously believed as well. In general, it seems as if the gaming world and the gaming industry are becoming much larger and are bringing in many more people, as well as that the view of video games, especially those with violence, is changing for the better of the industry with people becoming more educated on the topic and what these games really are and really do.
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ReplyDeleteJonah Katz
ReplyDeleteProfessor Longhany
ENC1102
November 24, 2013
To start off the discussion, the participants answered a very simple yes or no question signifying if they enjoy or do not enjoy violent plays in the NFL. As expected, of the participants who watch a considerable amount of football each week, an overwhelming majority enjoy violent plays and considerate it a key part of the game. Furthermore, they almost all agree that if violent plays were to be reduced, football would lose its competitive factor and therefore be less enjoyable to watch. Unexpectedly, even the participants who do not watch football regularly prefer violent plays.
Considering the results that fans and non-fans alike enjoy violent plays, it would not be strategic for the NFL to attempt to reduce violence for the purpose of increasing their fan hood. As predicated, if the NFL were to continue to decrease violence at the rate they are currently going in, their fan rate is likely to drop.
Another question I wished to answer was whether or not the media misrepresents violence. Based off my results, my suspicion is well grounded; half the participants think they are. This signifies a number of things. Firstly, the influence of the media is not as strong as I thought it was. If half the participants are suspicious of their reporting’s they clearly don’t blindly follow what is reported. Additionally, this possibly signifies another point. The influence of the media is diminishing. Based off the research of others discussed earlier, the media has been a key component on the evolution of sports because of the effects they have on the fans. However it seems that media’s presence is no longer as influential.
Paragraph 1: This seems to be your results of your research, starting with how you surveyed and flowing smoothly in to the responses that you got.
DeleteI think that this paragraph does a really good job at detailing not only the context of your survey, but the results as well.
Paragraph 2: This is the paragraph I think where you attempt to draw conclusions from the research that you have worked on. You state the results of your research and then try to make a claim about how the NFL should act in response to the results you have discovered.
While I like the direction and point of this paragraph, I think that it could be immensely beneficial for you to possibly cite some of your research, such as statistics proving your point, or maybe even cite some works from your literature review. I think that would take it from a good paragraph to a great paragraph!
Paragraph 3: In this paragraph you discuss a second topic that you were trying to find results to. You mention work that you did to try and prove whether or not the media misrepresents violence in football.
Personally, and this might just be because I’m very tired, but this paragraph seemed a little jumbled to me. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but I think that it would be beneficial to have this paragraph have a specific flow, possibly starting with your research hypothesis, then your results, and how that related to what you expected. I might even recommend breaking this last paragraph up in to two separate pieces like the first two. I think that the first two were superb, and I think that if you broke this last paragraph up that it could be just as outstanding.
I think that your transitions between paragraphs were good and that they flowed naturally in a conversational tone. Furthermore, I think that the first two paragraphs were very good, and I think that the first paragraph was the best at representing your research, and the best written overall. I think that the third paragraph was the least well done, but even then I think that it was very good. As previously stated, I might look in to breaking the last paragraph in to two different paragraphs.
Some questions for you to ponder are:
1) What sort of statistics do you have that can back up your written out results? I think that if you use evidence from your research in your conclusion (including numbers) that it becomes way more believable.
2) What can you attempt to prove through your last paragraph?
All in all I really do think that this was very well written!
Stephanie Valdes
ReplyDeleteProfessor Longhany
ENC 1102
November 22, 2013
Results:
There were three aspects I looked after I reviewed the answers from the students from the pre-survey, journals, and the interview. They were dependency, claim vs. reality, and peer pressure. The survey was surprising in the fact that the average spent on social media daily between the five students was almost nine hours. Which correlated to the response within most of the journals that they felt bored for hours on end without the use of having their phone to go on social networks or not being able to use their computer to go on social networks. What wasn't surprising from the survey was the amount of calls they made or received during the day was only 5-6 calls versus the amount of text received or made was 92, since it is more of a convenience to text a person rather than call. What was surprising was the amount of time spent a week with friends on average was, thirty-two hours a week. It didn't nearly match the amount of time spent on social media on a weekly bases which was sixty-three hours, which was nearly two times the amount.
The journals had similar responses in most the first day, " I feel fine without my phone." or "This is easier than I thought it was going to be.", The second day the responses in some journals showed less of a positive attitude and, more of a psychological need to have their phone because of boredom, needing it to feel safe and secure, and simply just because they wanted their phone. F3 claimed on day one that " She had complete confidence in herself that she would be able to go the next two days without her phone with no problems", and from one day to the next her whole outlook changed. Her response the second day was," I need my phone back, I want to go on some form of social network, I almost did not because of any academic reason but just simply because I am so used to going on and it feels like apart of me has been ripped out involuntarily. I need my phone back NOW!"
During the interview the students discussed more amongst themselves than with me about the experiment. I asked them a question, all of them would try to respond at once, so I would sit back and simply let them talk, listening to how they struggled in those three days, realizing how much of their time is consumed on social media sites, and knowing now how much they really depend on their phones and social media. Not only just to check on notifications or friends, but simply to keep up what they are doing throughout the day. I also saw amongst the girls that if one person tried to say they might not have been dependent on their phone as the other girls were, they would start talking in a flurry, asking them questions based on their experience in the experiment, and then peer pressuring the student to admit that they were wrong on they felt.
Continue-
DeleteDiscussion:
From the survey and the journals, each correlated with one another, presenting the dependency on the use of social media and a cell phone in a persons everyday life through numbers, then again proving that dependency in writing. Explaining why a person might be so dependent of their phone, and why there is such a great need for it. All of the students grew up with the change of cell phones and social media overtime. From discussing in the interview, most students had the basic flip phone about 9 years ago, where you could take pictures, make calls, and receive or send a certain amount of text messages a month. Now our phones are our passage way to social media, text messaging, calling, using it for an alarm, calculator, list, mp3, radio, and many other things. The cell phone has literally become a computer to go in our hand, and we have become so dependent on it that we sometimes forget that we can function without it too. it might a little hard but it is possible to put down the phone and computer, and simply just connect with life again. From the interview it was that, all the students made realization that they had better focus on their studies when not on any social media sites, weren't as distracted, and were better able to talk to their friends and family, and had more of an appreciation of them. They also felt that because they were so dependent on their phones that, they each vowed to turn off their phones on Thanksgiving day, that way they could focus on being with their family rather than "being married to my phon
Hi Rodrigo, I will complete your peer review.
ReplyDelete- Leah Thomas
1- This topic sentence could use a little clarification. It notes the dichotomy between the sexes regarding their responses when it comes to the impact of technology (and I assume social media). In “males and females are quite similar”, do you mean to each other, or that males are similar to other males and females are similar to other females? Also, please clarify what you mean by “accessing the impact”. I find it a little difficult to understand the context in which this survey is taking place. A clearer structure would significantly benefit your methods section. Overall, I would say that this is not a very effective paragraph.
ReplyDeleteCould you specify your definition of technology?
2 - This paragraph notes the differences in results between the two sexes, and seeks to further expand upon the topic sentence stated earlier. While both sexes rate technology as very important at 8.3 (this question could be further narrowed down or separated into more specific questions), females rate a higher degree of impact (define impact) than males. This suggests These points could use some clarification. It is important that you relate to your data when describing your results, but I feel that this is poorly organized. It also deviates by stating “respondents in general feel that communication through the use of technology is not an adequate replacement of face – to – face conversations/interactions”. This does not show the differences between genders, nor does it illustrate any topic sentence made previously. The addition of data from your study fortifies your argument however, and I believe that it has the potential to be much stronger.
How can you relate your data into a common theme, rather than have it feeling like you are “going off on a tangent?”
3 -I enjoyed this paragraph. It focused on the previous made point regarding the affects that social media have on our relationships. There seems to be a general consensus that social media is conducive to a less meaningful, but still important relationship (again, clarity would significantly improve your data). Please note what you are saying with “meaningful friendships/relations…significantly low number, but did report a substantially higher percentage as to the importance of it.” This is seemingly contradictory, as it seems you are suggesting that these relationships are meaningless, but still important. I believe that you should include more quotes from those surveyed. However, I felt that it could again benefit by being more specific. This paragraph has the potential to be effective.
How could you better organize your data and your results to make them more easily understood by your audience?
4-
The passage states that males spend more time (an hour) using technology than females, but also that “women did report using technology for entertainment as much as males”. This seems contradictory to your earlier statement that females rely more on social media than males. It notices a growing trend in communication conducted using social platforms, but found that the majority of communication is still conducted through face to face contact. However, it notices the potential for new trends to emerge in technological communication. I like your observation that Facebook is a preferred social networking site due to its perceived “intimacy”, and believe that this could be more expounded on.
What do you feel is a potential reason for your belief that males are more exposed to technology than females? Could it be included in the text to substantiate your claims?
Overall, it is often a little difficult to pick one specific theme for each paragraph. I believe that you have a lot of potential with the data you have collected, but that it could be organized better.
Sarah Mucklai
ReplyDeleteJoseph Longhany
ENC 1102-0038
11/28/13
(rewritten)
Results:
In regards to the survey, which I conducted, I discovered a large correlation amongst the men and women on their opinions regarding beauty pageants. I discovered that my original claim of beauty pageants having an influence on the negative role given to women in society was correct. The women gave the words/phrases “Consideration of Personality, concerns with academics, Inner Beauty, and Woman’s rights” low ratings in the ranges of 2-4.8 in relevance to beauty pageants. They also gave the words/phrases “Vanity, Stereotypical, Encouraging Individuality, and Physical Beauty” ratings between 7.4-10, showing their beliefs of a higher relevance amongst negative attributes to beauty pageants than positive.
While the men that I interviewed also rated these competitions extremely similar to the women’s, men were a bit harsher in their ratings. The men gave the words/phrases “Consideration of Personality, concerns with academics, Inner Beauty, and Woman’s rights” low ratings in the ranges of 1.6-4 in regards to their beliefs of the consideration of these in beauty pageants. They also gave the words/phrases “Vanity, Stereotypical, Encouraging Individuality, and Physical Beauty” ratings between 7.6-10.
Discussion:
Overall, both men and women surveyed produced evidence showing societies negative outlook on beauty pageants. When interviewing my participants, I saw a common trend that both the males and females surveyed judged the positive words/phrases with lower ratings than they did the negative phrases/words. Although everyone has their own individual opinions towards these competitions, results have shown that in majority, individuals view these competitions in majority as degrading representations of women in society today. I was not surprised with the results I obtained, for they accurately presented my original claim that beauty contests provide a correlation with the negative outlook in which women hold in society.
This paragraph discusses the results from the study she conducted. She found that there was a strong correlation between the opinions of beauty pageants in men versus women, stating that her initial prediction was correct. The first paragraph is just a general overview of what the results were. In this paragraph, the support used was specifics on how she conducted the study with the women and what their responses were as a group. This paragraph can certainly go into more detail about the results of the study, there is just not enough detail to capture the reader’s attention. I feel like it is on the right track but could use some revision.
DeleteThis second paragraph goes more in detail as to what her results were. She showed a specific finding in her results that regarded men’s ratings. However, she states again what the specifics of the study conducted with the male subjects were and how they were exact to the study conducted with the female subjects. In this paragraph, the support used was specifics on how she conducted the study with the men. She shows differing results in this section from the previous one regarding the women’s results. This paragraph could have gone into more detail as to the individual responses of the subjects, and if there were any outliars.
This third paragraph sums up the findings from her study that overall people has a negative outlook on beauty pageants and that they are generally degrading towards women. The support included in this paragraph went more into depth by drawing conclusions from her research and backing it up with her general data results. However, there is not much evidence to draw these conclusions from. In order to make this paragraph more effective, could show the implications of your study and how they can be put into context for the general population. Obviously you cannot account for the entire population in one group of people, especially differing demographics. In order to deliver this correlation, there needs to be more evidence to support it. Overall, I believe this is the most effective paragraph because it delves into the results more than the others. Since this was labeled as the discussion section, it fails to deliver a concise furthering of the conversation. How is this survey relevant to the world? How can this evidence be used effectively to show the negative outlook of beauty pageants?
Emily Nakis
ReplyDeleteProfessor Longhany
ENC 1102
December 4, 2013
Results and Discussion
Results:
After I had conducted my survey and reviewed all of the final submissions, I have come to the conclusion that males and females both are under the same amounts of stress. What I discovered, although there was no extreme differences in the levels of stress experienced, was that males were more content with their coping mechanisms as opposed to females. The ironic thing about these results were that both males and females share similar coping mechanisms. While males seem to handle their stressors better, I am able to determine that being either a male or female is not a principle factor when calculating stress.
The next correlation I discovered in my findings was the relationship between students who had jobs, whether part-time or full-time, are more satisfied with their ability to handle stress. With this information in mind, I decided to look further into specifics and discovered that when either males or females recorded having high levels of stress due to money, they were frustrated with their ability to handle stress and unable to do so. This led me to realize that this was the outcome of students who are now more financially independent. Even if a student didn’t have a job but had no stress due to money, they verified having more control over their stress. Meanwhile a student, even with a job, who had stress due to finances were dissatisfied with their ability to overcome stress.
Discussion:
This study has provided the information that both males and females deal with similar levels of stress. In addition to this finding, I believe that stress in relation to money is the determining factor for the results I have concluded. I believe this is because from all of the situations presented were factors that had been dealt with previously. Students have been found effective ways to cope with friends, families, grades, exams, and different living situations, whereas handling one’s financing is a new responsibility for many students. I feel that this is why many students are facing new levels of stress that have never been a new main factor in their life.